/facepalm

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The view from here...

What does one do whilst waiting on their loved ones to come out of theatre?

Apart from the general worry, one looks out of the window & enjoys the lovely tea & biscuits provided by the fantastic staff at London Bridge hospital. She should be back any second & the burning question now is: How high will she be?

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Uh... Ok

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Holy Bargains!

Jesus shops at Target... Who knew?

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Boorish

My girlfriend is from Georgia in the US & one of the cutest things about her is how she cuts her food into tiny pieces when eating, much like you would for a small child.

When I questioned her about it she informed me that it's "just how it is"in the US.

"Why don't you just eat properly, like normal people?" I probed.

She shrugs, "Eating with both your knife & fork is viewed as kinda boorish"

I've always associated the southern states of the US with good manners & respect so I can appreciate that she might actually be on to something here. 

Besides, my father is Spanish and he uses a fork & piece of bread as his secondary utensil so I'm fairly accepting of anything. 

That's not to say that I planned to change my ways. Let's face it, 36 year habits are hard to break

Fast forward six months & I find myself at a wedding reception in Illinois.

I don't want to be the odd one out so I start chopping up my food... much like you would for a small child. I glanced across at her & gave her a little wink.

"Aww, you're cutting up your food" she exclaims.

I continue to dissect my meal. "Well I don't want to look boorish do I?"

"You should only ever cut enough for three mouthfuls though" she adds.

"Really... why?"

"It's viewed as kinda boorish"

I rectify this social faux pas by eating everything aside from three mouthfuls & before you say it, I know. Boorish!

"Anything else I need to know before I continue?" I ask wearily.

"You should put the hand that's not holding a utensil in your lap"

By this point I suspect foul play & I fully expect to be the butt of a huge practical joke. I look up from my plate at all the other guests. Aside from those that are currently cutting, everyone else has one hand in their lap. I'm staggered.

It feels weird to eat like this but I fall in anyway. When in Rome...

"Oh... one more thing" she offers.

I roll my eyes, "There's more?"

"You need to put your fork down whilst you're chewing"

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Hello Valium...

Hello Valium... I'm a regular listener & a first time caller. That's to say, I've known many people who've taken it for various reasons over the years and am yet to try it myself. That is until this morning. I'm on a flight to Chicago and my girlfriend doesn't travel in mile high tin cans at speeds exceeding 600kmh without getting medicated first. It turns out I should have only taken one rather than two and preferably on a full stomach rather than an empty one. So far, I've slept through takeoff, thrown my drink all over myself and somehow seven hours have passed and I have no real idea how I've filled them. I've also eaten something which I'm pretty sure was omelette. It may well have been the tastiest omelette I've ever had. I am *really*looking forward to the flight home! My body has felt super fuzzy for hours, I like it...Valium can stay. Ooh... The flight attendant is coming around with snacks....

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Hunstanton Part II - Progress?

I've blogged about Hunstanton in the past & if you've read it you'll know that like many seaside resorts, it's somewhat dated.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hold it against the place. There's something utterly charming about these places & quite frankly the higher the kitsch-ometer, the more I'm likely to enjoy myself. Besides, it's  Blue beach which as I understand it, is awarded not so much for being pleasant but rather having lower levels of faeces to other beaches.

I visited again yesterday... I had the day off, the weather was ok & I fancied some chips by the sea followed by some fresh cinnamon doughnuts. In addition to this, my partner in crime has a thing for tea towels... Don't ask.

On the seafront there's a shop called Robertson's... Of this I'm 98% sure (It may have been called Robisnon's) & this particular establishment trades in typical seaside items that you'd likely see in resort shops up & down the country. You know the sort of thing, buckets, spades, mugs, sweets & bizarrely, a fine collection of Native American memorabilia.

As I made my way out of the shop, I couldn't help but notice something that looked more out of place than the Dreamcatcher artwork I'd seen on the Native American section.

It was liking stepping back into the early 70's & I am still in a state of disbelief at what I saw. 

Robertson's (or Robinson's) I'm ashamed of you & your store deserves to be as empty as it was.

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Stick With It

via youtube.com

Animation by Ali Wylie, music by Fuselage

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Hunstanton

I recently visited the 'Armpit of the Wash' also known as Hunstanton.

It was a little something to break up a non-event Saturday. Take a drive down to the sea, get some fish & chips, take a walk along the seafront. It all sounds great right?

Well that's what the locals would have you think, in fact they claim the following:

"Hunstanton gets its fair share of Sunlight. It is well-known that this is mainly due to the fact that while Hunstanton's cliffs and beaches are on the East Coast, they actually face West.  For this reason, Hunstanton experiences some of the best sunsets in England and records some of the highest 'sun-time' in the summer.  It's likely, therefore that your holiday in Hunstanton will be a sunny one.  For what other reason would people refer to the resort as 'Sunny Hunny'?"

Now the sunsets I'll give them, they are pretty good but as far as actually selling the place to you, well, they're just not trying are they?

What people really want to know is what they can expect upon arrival, aside from the fact that it will be sunny & that the sunset will be picturesque.

I'm sure it was just an oversight, but I'll tell you what 'they' failed to.

Things to do and places to visit in Hunstanton:

Hunstanton has many Pubs and Restaurants, none of which ever seem to be full so you'll always be guaranteed a table. Most of the pubs have frozen in time and have that stale pub smell that is usually associated with the 70's. Back in those days when a child of 4 was put in a smoky corner with a bag of crisps whilst surrounded by intoxicated characters you certainly wouldn't leave your own children anywhere near. 

Anyhow, I digress.

The restaurants as stated, are usually empty & I bet a pound to a penny that you would not choose to eat in any of them if they happened to be in your hometown. You're on holiday, you're wearing your holiday clothes, making such an effort, don't let yourself go now eh?

The amusement arcades and the Oasis leisure centre are the hub of social life in Hunstanton. This is where you'll find everyone from holidaying pensioners to the coolest cats in town under one roof. Dive straight in, change a fiver into a fistful of copper in order to feed the hungry 2 penny slots. Oooh look! It's that girl that smiled at you in 'Tam's Plaice' (you see what he did there?!!)  Go and ask her if she fancies a game of ten pin bowling

The beach and famous cliffs. Take a walk along the Burberry trail and discover with breathtaking views of the common Vauxhall Nova. Local hooded hooligans will gladly keep watch over your car in exchange for 10 Lambert & Butler.

The fairground is never going to compete with Disneyworld & if we're honest, the fold at Wickstead Park wont be quaking in their boots either. 

At £2 a ride, you'll naturally be hesitant about where to get the most fun for your pound but believe me when I tell you that wherever you choose, be it the Waltzers or the laughable roller-coaster your hard earned will be well spent. 

Just looking at the people that are involved in operating these rides instantly increases your self esteem. It's essentially a cash deposit in your emotional bank account, The cherry on this particular pie is that at the end of the day, you get to go home to civilisation while they have to stay there.

Take a walk along the promenade enjoying the atmosphere of a once prospering seaside resort in steady decline. Meet local teenage mothers & fun seeking holidaymakers & their tearway children. Hold on to your valuables ladies & gents, this a long slow, rickety ride.

Be sure to send a postcard, you can get them in a little shop called Rock & Puff. Yes, you heard me correctly.. Rock & Puff.

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Magic Bracelets

Magic Bracelets by Hothouse Flowers  
Download now or listen on posterous

11_-_Magic_Bracelets.mp3 (8620 KB)

Sun is shining through my window

I've been sitting here all day

Looking at all the precious jewellery

That you left for me to make

You took the call pretty early

There's no denying who is king

We were halfway through the making of

Magic bracelets, magic rings

Magic bracelets, magic rings

I look outside and it turns cloudy

Is this your spirits tender kiss

It starts to rain a shower of pearls

and I feel the wisdom that I miss

Every pupil has a teacher

and I believe that you were mine

I've learnt to polish up my silver

When it ever stops to shine

When it ever stops to shine

I hear you call, "don't stop the making!"

There's no denying who is king

and so I'll be forever shaping

Magic bracelets, magic rings

Magic bracelets, magic rings

words and music by Fiachna O'Braonain

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I want...

This blog post has bee

n written by someone very dear to my heart. 

Whilst it wasn't originally intended to he used this way, I think it fits very nicely under the "tender" banner.  

After a little begging I'm allowed to post it. I understand her initial apprehension, the closest she's come to blogging is updating her Facebook status. 

The thing I love most about it is the fact that in just a few paragraphs you get to completely understand how someone is feeling.  It blows my mind to think that someone feels that way about me. 

She's a keeper & I'm in the keeping business. 

++++++++++++++++++

I want to slowly open my eyes, gently blinking as I wake to find your sweetly sleeping face inches from mine.

I want to notice how, in the course of the night, we've only moved inches from where we fell asleep. 

Perhaps we've drifted away from each other at various points, sure, but our unconscious desire to be close leads us to reach out in the night, finding one another with gentle fingertips, defining the curves of our bodies while feeling soft skin beneath. 

I want to lie still for at least a single perfect moment, thinking of nothing else but how lucky I am that you're mine. 

I want to slide my legs between yours while slipping my hand gently over your body. I note how you instinctively slip your arms around me, pulling me closer. 

My head lies on your chest and I close my eyes as I slip sweetly back to sleep, safe in your arms...

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He kept her picture in his pocket that was closest to his heart

I recently visited Normandy with a good friend. I'd wanted to visit
for some time, I'm a history geek of sorts & I blame my interest on my
grandfather's involvement in WW2.

One of the things I liked most is that outside of the large towns
Normandy doesn't look as though it's changed much in over 65 years.
It's a strange mix of being eerie & completely peaceful at the same
time.

One of the places we visited was Utah Beach near Pouppeville. As you
stand there looking out at the beach it's hard to fathom that Aliied
forces managed to land over 23,000 men & 1700 vehicles in a single day
whilst sustaining relatively few casualties (197) in comparison to
some of the other D-Day landing beaches.

Over 425,000 Allied and German troops were killed, wounded or went
missing during the Battle of Normandy

Whilst looking out I was reminded of a song called "Houses On The
Hill" by Whiskeytown

"Eisenhower sent him to war, he kept her picture in his pocket
that was closest to his heart and when he hit shore it must have been
a target for the gunner-men"

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The Bubble

In shadows we share a soft embrace,
we lay together face to face.

Our dialogue formed from looks & smirks,
we speak without the need for words.

Our entwined hearts beat soft & low,
we breathe in time, deep & slow.

This bubble of ours, a safe retreat,
we make a whole, a love complete.

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