Boorish

My girlfriend is from Georgia in the US & one of the cutest things about her is how she cuts her food into tiny pieces when eating, much like you would for a small child.

When I questioned her about it she informed me that it's "just how it is"in the US.

"Why don't you just eat properly, like normal people?" I probed.

She shrugs, "Eating with both your knife & fork is viewed as kinda boorish"

I've always associated the southern states of the US with good manners & respect so I can appreciate that she might actually be on to something here. 

Besides, my father is Spanish and he uses a fork & piece of bread as his secondary utensil so I'm fairly accepting of anything. 

That's not to say that I planned to change my ways. Let's face it, 36 year habits are hard to break

Fast forward six months & I find myself at a wedding reception in Illinois.

I don't want to be the odd one out so I start chopping up my food... much like you would for a small child. I glanced across at her & gave her a little wink.

"Aww, you're cutting up your food" she exclaims.

I continue to dissect my meal. "Well I don't want to look boorish do I?"

"You should only ever cut enough for three mouthfuls though" she adds.

"Really... why?"

"It's viewed as kinda boorish"

I rectify this social faux pas by eating everything aside from three mouthfuls & before you say it, I know. Boorish!

"Anything else I need to know before I continue?" I ask wearily.

"You should put the hand that's not holding a utensil in your lap"

By this point I suspect foul play & I fully expect to be the butt of a huge practical joke. I look up from my plate at all the other guests. Aside from those that are currently cutting, everyone else has one hand in their lap. I'm staggered.

It feels weird to eat like this but I fall in anyway. When in Rome...

"Oh... one more thing" she offers.

I roll my eyes, "There's more?"

"You need to put your fork down whilst you're chewing"

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